Who I Am
by Trmpetplaya1
Summary: A fic about our dear little Trowa Barton! *Audience goes wild* YAY!! Hehehe...Kinda sad, though. R&R!! (Oh, and I'm sorry if parts of it aren't 'accurate'. I mean, no one really knows his past, right?)


# Who I Am

Ahhh…a nice, little, depressing (sorta) fic about one of my most fave characters: Trowa! ^_^ Me love Trowa!

Trowa:……-_-()

TP1-chan: What? I do! ^_^

Anyway, I've been feeling a little lost, myself, so I thought, who better than the Nameless One himself to put in this fic! 

Heero: Hey! Wait a minute! I thought you loved me!!! *pouts*

TP1-chan: Don't worry, Hee-kun, *pats him on the back* I love you, too…

Heero: Good. ^_^

DISCLAIMER: *sigh* If I got a quarter for every time I said that I don't own Gundam Wing, I'd be able to _buy the company itself!!! (Oh, and I don't own the small song lyric insert; the GooGoo Dolls do. But I do own the minor character from Trowa's made-up past!)_

~And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am…~ GooGoo Dolls

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

A silent, 17 yr-old boy stared out of the window of the plane. The war was over. Their mission: completed. Excited voices were heard behind him as the four other gundam pilots celebrated their victory. Still looking out the window, he tuned in on their conversation.

"I can't believe it!" said a hyped Duo, "We did it! And look!" 

He pointed to the feast that had been left for them by servants on their private jet.

"Free food!" he and the other pilots helped themselves to the buffet. All except Trowa, whose only focus was on the wispy clouds that vanished as they sped through them.

Quatre was the first to notice the absence of the silent one. Always the friend, he walked over to Trowa's seat.

"Trowa?" he asked, "Would you like some food?"

Trowa didn't look away from the window.

"No, that's okay. Thanks, though."

Quatre shrugged.

"Okay. We'll save you some, just in case," he turned around and walked back to the table where the food was quickly disappearing.

Trowa continued to stare, wrapped up in his own thoughts.

A few minutes later, the plane touched ground.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That night, a banquet was thrown in their honor.

"God, I hope Relena's not here…" Heero muttered as they entered the great hall where the banquet was being held.

Applause and cheers accompanied them as they made their way to the table on the stage at the end of the hall. Much to Heero's disappointment, Relena was awaiting them at the other end. She herself stood up to clap for them as they took their seats. She gave a short speech on her appreciation for their accomplishments, and then everyone was seated.

When the food came, everyone dug in. Everyone, that is, except Trowa. He just sat, staring at his food as it began to grow cold.

"Hey, Trowa!" called Duo, who was sitting two chairs down from him, "You gonna finish that?"

Trowa shook his head and passed his plate to Heero, who then handed it to Duo.

"Thanks!" he started wolfing it down.

"Trowa? You alright?" asked Heero.

"Yeah. I'm ok." He continued to stare at the table.

"You seem a lot quieter than usual." 

Trowa just shrugged.

Heero, giving up, went back to eating his food.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After the party, the heroes went to a hotel, where they were to spend the night before going to their final destination.

"Goodnight, everyone!" said Quatre, as each went to his own hotel room.

He was answered by three 'goodnight's and a slight nod.

Trowa set his things down and shut the door.

_Finally, he thought, __alone at last._

He quickly changed out of his clothes and into some boxers. (AN-Trowa in boxers….hanyaan…n_n) He stretched out comfortably on his double bed and yawned.

It had been a tiring day, what with the plane ride, banquet, and all. He sighed.

# Why does life have to be so confusing?

All the other pilots had something to do, after the war. Wufei was taking that new job as a Preventor, Heero was going off on some unknown mission, Quatre was going on space explorations, and Duo was doing God-knows-what in America. They all had places to go, all had purposes for their lives.

All except Trowa.

He didn't know what to do with his life. Or what was left of it. All his life, he'd been raised as a solider. Fighting was something that came natural to him, as natural as breathing. But now the war was over. There wouldn't be any more fighting for a long time. That much he knew.

So what was an ex-solider to do? _I guess I can go find a job… he half-smiled to himself. __Yeah, I can see it now: experience-fighting, destroying, hacking; previous jobs-piloting a gundam in an intense war. What a resume that would be…_

He sighed. _What am I going to do? Restless, he got out of bed and went into the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror._

_Who am I? I mean, who really am I? I know I don't want to be in the circus business for the rest of my life, but what else is there? He exited the bathroom, and went over to his suitcase. From it, he took an old envelope, creased and worn with age. Sitting down on the bed, he opened it, carefully._

A dried rose, whose petals were close to powder, and a folded piece of paper were extracted. Trowa held the rose delicately in the palm of his hand.

"Kyra…" he whispered, tears forming in his eyes.

A voice from the past, a face never forgotten, haunted him ever since that fateful day…

~(Flashback)~

"No Name! Wait up!" the 10 yr-old daughter of an esteemed general ran up to an 11 yr-old Trowa.

The boy whirled around in response to his title.

"Yes, Kyra-san?" he asked, "Does your father need anything from my Master?"

She smiled and shook her head.

"No. I just wanted to talk to you, that's all…" she smiled again.

The boy stood there, confused. _Why would she want to see me? As if reading his mind, the young girl spoke._

"Actually, I wanted to say goodbye. My father's getting relocated tomorrow, and I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to see you again. I'm lucky the general let me off." Her smile saddened.

"Oh." Said the boy known as No Name, "I see."

The two stood there, awkwardly, for a second. Kyra was the first to break the silence.

"Umm…here, I want you to have this…" she reached into her pocket and pulled out a rose and a letter.

No Name took them, surprised and a little confused.

"Thanks, I guess…" _Why do I feel like this? My face is getting all hot, and my pulse is racing above my target heart rate! What's going on?_

Kyra blushed.

"Your welcome," she checked her watch, "Oh! I must go! The general expects us to be packed before 1400 hours! Sarabada, No Name, I hope we meet each other again, someday…"

She smiled her sad smile at the nameless boy, then pecked him on the cheek before running off to her camp.

No Name just stood there, shocked. A _girl had just kissed him! __Wait! He thought, __Am I…enjoying this? Oh Kami-sama…what's going on with me?! He stood there for quite a while, just thinking about Kyra and staring at the rose and the letter she had given him._

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The next evening, No Name was called aside from dinner.

"No Name," said an older officer, "I'm sorry, but we've just been informed that General Tra's plane was shot down by enemy mobile suits, shortly after their take-off this afternoon. I know you were friends with his daughter, but both she and the general did not make it. I am sorry."

No Name just stood there, taking it in. _Kyra…is gone? The officer left, running off to deliver the news to his general. The boy's knees felt weak, so he grabbed a chair and sat down._

_Why?! She was just here! She just… he brought his hand up to touch his cheek on the spot where she…__ NO! I won't believe it! She can't be gone! She can't__!!!! But he knew it was true. He knew that she was gone…forever…_

From that day on, the young boy's life changed. He threw himself into his training, becoming the best fighter his age. He dedicated his time to learning the complex systems of computer. How they work and how he could use them to the best of his advantage. Anything to forget the pain he felt over losing her…

_I will fight. I will kill the evil scum that killed her. I will stop at nothing to avenge her death. Her memory will not be forgotten. She will have not died in vain. Kyra…and for the first time in his life, he wept…_

~(End Flashback)~

A tear fell on the rose's dried surface, adding moisture to the dead petals.

_Kyra…You're the only one who ever understood me. The only one who ever cared about me, not just my ability as a fighter. He read her letter again, although he knew every word by heart. It was filled with her happy, joyful, yet listening and understanding spirit. She had said that she'd never forget him, no matter what happened to either of them._

She had told of her love for him.

_Duo, Quatre, Wufei, Heero…all those guys…my friends. Yet, do they really know me? Do they really understand me? He shook his head. __No. No one could ever understand the real me. They don't see my true mission in life. Not to fight, or kill, not to obey orders, my true mission is her…to avenge her brutal death…_

His fist clenched at his side as the anger, still present after six years, was re-kindled inside of him. _WHY?! KYRA!!!! He screamed out in his mind to her. Even though he knew she wasn't here._

Gently, he re-folded the letter and placed it, along w/ the rose, back into its envelope. After putting it back in its spot, the hidden pocket in his suitcase, he climbed back into bed, stretching out again. 

As sleep crept up on him, he knew what he was going to do with his life. He knew what she would want. She would want him to be happy, and the only way he could be happy is with her. He smiled, knowing he would join her, soon.

"Kyra…" he whispered, before falling asleep, "ashiteru…."

~I just want you to know who I am…~

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

AN-

*sniff, sniff* Aww…what have I done?!?! TROWA!!!!

Trowa: Chill, TP1-chan. It's just a story, I'm still here!!

TP1: Oh, yeah…^_^() Sorry, I get carried away sometimes…heh heh…

Trowa: 'S ok; at least I know _someone cares about me…_

Trowa fans: We care about you, too, Trowa!!!

TP1: Hey! Back off!!! He's _mine!!!!_

Trowa:….eeps…-_-()

Hehehe…^_^ So, what'd y'all think? Kinda depressing, I know, but I fits the mood. Sorry about the past thingy I made up; I'm not sure if it's accurate. If it isn't, don't hurt me, please. *sigh* I'm too tired to write anymore, now, so R&R, onegai!!! ^_^ Ja!

Trmpetplaya1 (trmpetgrl1@icqmail.com)


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